I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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