Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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