i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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