just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
