I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
