I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Two words: blizzard sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
