Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
