What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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