You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
