I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
