Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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