a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize