girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
