Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
