My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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