We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
