i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So much rum. So many feels.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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