Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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