she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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