She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
