If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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