we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
