Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize