some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
