its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think my tv is drunk
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize