I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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