No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
