i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
