A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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