tell your sister to shave her snatch
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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