its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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