She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
