I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
