And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
