Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
