Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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