I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
