Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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