im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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