At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
