Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
