You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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