I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
soo... how was my night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
