Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
