She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
