He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
