"it" just moved
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
