I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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