She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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