I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
