how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
