listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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