I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
