My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
