I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
