First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
