I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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