Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
