i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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