just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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