Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
