Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
