hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
