please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
