i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize