either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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