I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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