We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
