Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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