On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
