I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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