Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
