But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
