I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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